Sensational – The Art of Feeling

Every person who has ever written frequently knows that your biggest feat is your own mind and more importantly the space within it. When life gobbles you up… just completely consumes you, getting from point A to point B take precedence. Feeling, absorbing the little things, acknowledging subject X past it’s practical application… those things pass you by.

Sometimes realizing this lack of sensation makes me nostalgic… pining for a moment that seems so much more lovely in retrospect. Sometimes I feel guilty for sacrificing my innate ability to feel for ambition and relentless drive.

By recipe of part personal necessity, a dose of a (long overdue) social consciousness and a smidgen of said guilt, I dig out my contacts and start opening up to friends I’ve subconsciously driven away or coldly bypassed with meaningless small talk. I meet with them. I don’t just hear their voices and spew off a dull response while 5 other things are going through my head. I listen to them. Feel how they feel. Break past the pretty. Get to their weird. Relate my weird. Feel relieved. Feel connected.

I know. I am an asshole for admitting this. For someone who is a self-proclaimed social butterfly, I sometimes ignore the golden rule of friendship (true friendship): quality over quantity. While small connections are absolutely vital to any extrovert – its like living off of junk food. Its sweet. It gives you a quick buzz but little by little you feel sluggish and somehow you can sense you’re missing that joie de vivre. You need the whole, satiating, power-packed stuff to really make you feel alive.

I also feel a bit self-absorbed describing the direct correlation of connecting with someone else to connecting with myself. While its obviously a mutual beneficial relationship, there is an undeniable personal development that truly connecting with someone can bring.

I saw my friend cry this week. It was touching and painful. It made me feel… like really rough, deep, this-is-heart-heaviness feel. It was a much needed slap in the face that life was bigger than a to-do list or the meeting in an hour or reveling in my well-deserved (so I thought) exhaustion at the days end. Life consists of love and connection and how everything that is so good is so bad to realize you will inevitably lose someday and that polar, powerful presence is what makes feeling so much bigger than anything you could ever possibly do.

While I’m smart enough to know that life has a bit of yin and yang – we can’t all be mushballs gushing with love and we also can’t be soulless robots – I know that too much of one thing is never a good thing. And this is regardless of how invigorating/driven/exciting/ consuming it may be. Step back my friends.  Look past the laser focus sometimes and feel the pretty and ugly of life. It will be a whole other level of all-consuming but I’ll bet you 50 bucks you won’t regret it.

Elegance

Elegance is when the inside is as beautiful as the outside.

– Coco Chanel

Do

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do” – Oprah

Wise words from a major mogul

Be

Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.

– Dave Willis

Life Happening vs. Goals in the Making

Sorry I’ve been gone. Life always seems to be a strange blend of impulses that have to be satiated and regiments that leave no room anything outside of the to-do list. Writing a blog post has been neither an impulse or a necessity towards the path of short-term successes… so its been on a back (BACK) burner. I also realize it tends to soothe only one soul, my own, and hangs low on the totem pole of goals because not too many people read this and if you do, well thanks! And I hope it is enticing and valuable to your brain/heart/whatever needs to be fulfilled.

Well this morning I woke up earlier than anticipated, got out of bed, got back in bed, realized I didn’t want to leave that perfect atmosphere of cozy duvet during morning chill, perused my news feeds (junk but that good kind, like the Jerry Springer of news articles) and finally realized another snooze wasn’t gonna happen. Slipping out of bed, careful not to wake the sleepy bunny next to me, I tip-toed to the couch and sat without distraction staring off into the light trickling through the shades.

I thought back to when I had many days “off”, when I was looking for  a job in this massive, overqualified city of ambitious and brilliant people. I thought about how its been almost a year since we moved here and how things have progressed but changed in ways I didn’t anticipate. The job I got in the industry I never expected with opportunities I never entertained. It reminded me of how irritating it was to hear the question,

“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” 

Uh. Somewhere where I’m ten years older, hopefully ten years wiser and have more than $500 in my bank account? The last two years have been multiple series of “what the hell am I doing?!” and its enough for me to see that life changes A LOT. If I had a solid plan of exactly where I wanted to be, I’m pretty positive I would be too narrow-minded to make the changes I need to live in accordance to whats needed to really use up my full potential and LIVE. But in the same sense I definitely see that goals and ambition are important, they remind you that life cannot be built off of convenience or simply necessity. You have to step outside of those boxes, stay on the path toward your goal and not fall into a comfort zone.  

I guess the best way to put it is –  create goals for yourself because they are vital to staying alive, but don’t create such a massive plan that when life happens and presents you with a hidden little nugget of gold, something that seems rough around the edges and not quite your grand plan, that you’re outside of your dreams enough to see that those goals can develop and be achieved in unforeseeable instances.

I was reminded that maybe my lack of writing was really just letting life get in the way – with its odd blend of comfort-zoning and finding dire need in small achievements that quite likely won’t make a difference in 5 years but seem like a really big deal right now. So I let those things get there fifteen minutes of fame in my life and I sat on the couch just a little longer than usual after work – but I remembered goals don’t come to fruition out of brainstorming while watching Netflix or eyeing my unfinished painting and thinking about how I’m gonna get it done tomorrow but I totally don’t have time right now.

Goals are met by always biting off a little more than you can chew and continuously taking something on, regardless of if it seems like a big deal or a little deal in life. Stating the obvious here, but sometimes the obvious needs to be stated a lot to be heard and processed and utilized. 

Inevitable

“The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable.” – Robert Henri

DIY Seamless Panties

I’m not much of a brand-whore but I do love quality. After a round on interning/selling for Nordstrom , this sale-savvy, bargain shopping gal made a self-discovery. Quality product is worth it to me. And considering that people generally enjoy products that they can rely on and fit all their needs, I imagine you do too.

After breaking my aversion towards pricey (but valuable) products I also discovered that my pockets aren’t as deep as my desire to buy quality. The next paycheck will barely cover rent let alone a $100 t-shirt from Vince (but god, the fabric and fit… I want to be buried in that shirt). That being said, I also can’t spend $10 on 5 pairs of panties… specifically the no-show seamless panties from Victoria Secret.

So off I went to my favorite fabric shop in town, Fabric Outlet in the Mission. This place is like a home away from home and by that I mean its a fantastic equivalent to SAS Fabrics in Phoenix, a koo koo fabric heaven that is a bit of a visual fuck. So. MUCH. Fabric. And Beads. And Lace. And whoa.  I bee-lined it to the remnant bin, found a piece of nylon/lycra fabric for 50 cents and grabbed a yard of stretch lace. And so it begins.

DIY Seamless Panties – Pattern and Sewing 

Ingredients:

1/2 yard of Nylon/Lyrca Fabric or random remnant cuts

1 yard of stretchy lace

1 sheet of remnant tissue paper from your latest birthday present

Total Cost: $1.62

Make sure to have your slippers in the picture too. It helps…

Step 1

Take your favorite pair of panties (of similar fabric so that when they stretch they maintain the same amount of stretch and the measurements are accurate)  – trace the outline of the front.

Add length to the crotch so that the fabric can meet up with the back piece of fabric. By the way, isn’t crotch the grossest word? Woof. Not a fan but it is what it is…

Step 2

Create a measuring point for the back side of your undies. I measure how high to create a point and how far from the side edge – then added a dot and free hand an arch to that point.

Chuck wanted me to remind you all of his fantastic photographic accuracy. Note the picture being so sharp that you can even see the hair growing out of the mole on my left arm. #truetalent #thanksforpointingthatoutchuck

***Note the Points on each side and the free-handed arch that leads to it and down to meet the other piece of fabric***

Since these are seamless panties you don’t have to consider the seam on most of the pattern but I did add some length to the sides for the seam where we will sew. I also said it was  1/7th of something. I don’t know what because it doesn’t make any sense but in my caffeinated, creative haze I wrote 1/7th so there you have it.

Step 3

Pin and cut the fabric according to the pattern! Both the front and then the back. Sorry, you can only use this homemade very legit pattern once.

Drink lots of coffee and eat nothing so that you shake like a little Chihuahua and take blurry pictures.

Step 4

Take a small cut of fabric and sew a quick little pouch around the crotch (cringing). All you ladies know this unmentionable but absolutely necessary  little strip of fabric. OK then. On to the next step.

Step 5

Pin and sew the sides of the pieces. So easy and quick!

Sew the crotch (god, how many times to I have to use this word?) parts together by hand. It’s a tiny piece of fabric and you really want to make sure its a solid seam.

Step 6

Pin the lace and sew it to the top rim of the panties. I chose to have the lace half on the fabric/half on the skin.

Viola! “Seamless” panties!

Andrea

Many women can agree that a loving mother is a strange blend of your most annoying conscience and your saving grace.  She’ll be the first person to hassle you and the last person to leave when shit hits the fan. She can’t help but fuss over you and its kind of okay because even though you aren’t a little girl anymore it feels good to have her love. And bit by bit you’ll watch her trust you too. If you are really close, she’ll start peeling back the layers of armor she’s accumulated over the years, built up through all the times she fought for herself and then for you, and you’ll get a glimpse of the girl she was and the woman she’s become outside of your Mother. She’ll become more than your Mother. She’ll become a woman that you respect and love and admire and watch out for just the way she watched out for you all your life.

While she always will be my mother above all else, I admire her as a woman named Andrea, a woman that has taught me lessons outside of her role in my upbringing.  A fun chick that speaks her mind and spreads her warmth and makes life more enjoyable, less boring. A woman you ought to know and learn from as well. Meet Andrea and her amazing life lessons….

Young Andrea

1.) If you’re ready to forgive, say sorry first.

One of the most valuable life lessons my mom ever taught me was to be humble in your own fighting fouls. I remember getting into heated arguments with my mom. You know – the hysterics, crying, whining, hating, stomping, slamming (as you can imagine, I was the model child). After time in my room,  I would come to my senses and go apologize for being a nut case. Even when I was a little girl, she would apologize as well, which I found to be so rare and phenomenal for a parent. I knew she was never my equal but I felt a sense of respect from her and love from her that trumped being my disciplinary.

When she was actually at fault for anything, she always gave an earnest apology. This carried on in my own lifestyle. While I’ve always had a sense of self respect, I’ve learned that pride is a whole other ugly mess. When I’m feeling hot-headed and filled with pride, I always remember how fair my mom is. I remember that resolution will always be a bigger consolation than isolating yourself in your anger or blame.

My Mom and I when I graduated University

2.) Spend money on travel.

While we all know that money cannot buy happiness, it can definitely encourage marvelous experiences. I have the fondest memories of traveling with my parents to Canada, San Diego, Europe, New Orleans and cabins up north. While the hotels were rarely glamorous and half of our meals were comprised of homemade picnics, my mom encouraged smalls indulgences, big adventures and embracing other lifestyles. My dad almost always had a shit fit about spending money on travel – telling us it was worthless and a horrible way to spend money – but we always knew it was due to his strong disdain for change and that even he would come back happier, lighter and more in tune with the important things in life. Cliched as it may be, travel does open your eyes to the possibilities in life. It forces you to embrace spontaneity and most importantly, it gives you a fresh perspective. It’s always healthy to get out of your little bubble. You see what is holding you back and also what makes home so great.

Mom Traveling in her 20’s

3.) Be genuine.

When I think of a one word definition of my mom, its genuine. The woman speaks her mind. Sometimes it gets her in trouble, but she has enough social graces and confidence to breeze past it. What makes her so pleasantly genuine? You always know where you stand and yet it never offends because she is not close minded towards your stance. She embraces her opinion but will always respect yours. She has taught me that to maintain the perfect balance of self-respect and thoughtfulness, you must stand your ground but accept when others won’t agree with grace. They might not be perfect but neither are you.

4.) Find humor in life and then spread it.

A very fortunate trait that my sisters and I happened to inherit  is my mom’s ability to find humor in humanity – our oddities, our endearing, bizarre traits. There is something so wonderful in the way my mom giggles at the little child busying themselves with the simplest task or the old man that is irrevocably grouchy because he just can’t help himself. It is the way she finds compassion in peoples faults and values their approach on life. I can absolutely attribute my sense of humor to my mother and I’m so grateful. Much of my families bonding is built of off harmless mocking of one another and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Rather than rush through life with your headphones in and your sunglasses on – stop avoiding people and their unique, brief impacts on your life. Seek to understand and appreciate them. If nothing else, you’ll have a hilarious story to share.

Happy Girl

5.) Don’t waste time worrying. Spend time living.

During a particularly rough patch in life, my mom was my default therapist. She heard all the ugly and all the anguish. While it was a little of just me going in mental circles with no relief, there was a lot of her trying to get me to see that worry is a complete waste of life. It will still happen. Time will pass and you’ll look back and realize that your anguish was just a waste of precious life – precious time that you can’t get back. In a period of worry or stress, its feels so impossible to look paste the thick fog of anxiety but you have to realize that life will still happen. That day will still pass. You’ll still get older and all the times your worried about the what if’s are times that you could have spent just living it. Everyone says live in the moment and as simple and exhausted this phrase is, do it. Live in the moment. It’s a popular term for self-salvation because it works. Just enjoy it. Stop dissecting and just live. There is too much shit in life to hold onto the bad stuff. Absorb the good and forget the rest. 

The Present Day Beauty

Her Color.

Best Friendships

“Never trust a girl that doesn’t have girlfriends.” I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase before… I know why they say it too, because relationships between women are the most complex. While they can also be the most rewarding, they involve a perfect dance of consciousness, care, social graces, mutual respect and humor that isn’t quite the same as any relationship you’ll have with a guy whether its friendship or romance. I’ve always thought that if a girl cannot maintain a close relationship with another chick she’s probably too selfish because there is nothing more giving than a girl friendship – with men you can get away with being opportunistic, self-focused or independent. With girls you have to relate, being thoughtful of their lives/actions and show that you care, knowing that you’ll always get the same in return. There is a loyalty, selflessness and bond that is unparalleled.

My mom always told me that, while it’s important to love your guy, strongly maintain your friendships with your girlfriends. They’re irreplaceable and will give you things that romance can’t. As always, she is right. There is just something about girlfriends that serves a purpose that men can’t. As woman with a mission to stay happy and sane, it’s a vital necessity to give that kind of BFF love and take it too.

While I’ve been lucky to find a handful of truly spectacular (amazing) women to laugh, love and cry with – to inspire me, help me, humble me and pick me up when times are shit – there is one girl in particular that has won my heart as my truest friend, my soul sister, my PERSON. Let me introduce to you Miss Ashley Rose. 

 We met the first day of pre-college,  in our dorm hallway. Pretty instantly, we became each others family away from family, chosen sisters on a path to creating a truly idyllic 4 years of growth and education that would surpass any semester in STATS 101. We grew the most beautiful friendship two girls could ask for. Among the big best-friend milestones – the trips around the world, the moving in together, the throwing parties together, the merging our social lives- we tucked away little memories that built trust and love piece by piece.

For every woman out there, I hope you have an Ashley. A unique, enthusiastic, sunny chick that makes you feel ridiculous and liberated and happy all at once. A girl who lives off of flamboyance, sparkles, dreams and laughter. A friend who makes you want to tell her you love and appreciate her all the time and reciprocates that feeling.

One of the First Nights We Hung Out… Little Freshman Babies! Hello, Awkward Half-Hug

I make it very clear how highly I think of my darling friend, but the loveliest part is the bond we created. All throughout out college we stuck by one another… simultaneously, the most gregarious pair of social butterflies and obnoxiously joined at the hip. Perhaps that’s why we’ve always worked out, we never stifled one another, we only gave each other more reason to fly. Our bizarre little union was so intense that we cried and laughed our final day of living together because we knew that we’d have a better chance of finding relationships now that we didn’t have each other as often. Maybe we’d actually need boyfriends because we didn’t have our other half… Despite loving my boyfriend very, very much, my relationship with him would be the furthest cry from a “replacement” of my relationship with Ashley. The bond Ash and I have is not something you can replicate.

LoOkInG HaWt

I hope you have a girlfriend. It’s good to have a girlfriend. A pal who mocks life’s bullshit the way you do, who agrees with your bitching even when she knows you’re being dramatic. A girl that supports your less-than-perfect habits/humor and thinks you’re funny all the time and encourages another glass of wine or missing the train to take a taxi.

I hope you have a best girl friend. 

Best Friends

Summer is for flowing dresses and iced, sugary drinks 🙂 happy summer Friday everyone!